Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Things That Are Fun to Look At.

Life can be hard for a has been slut. One decade you're hot, the next you're not. One moment every Queen, Lion, Bear, Tiger and suspect Choir Conductor is chanting your lyrics and the next you're auditioning for a low budget straight to DVD movie that you will spend years trying to pretend never existed.

Anyway, Christina Aguilera who spent the last ten years of her career being compared to a certain Icon is now being compared to another and she doesnt like it. In an interview with OUT Magazine (for which George Rekers hopes to begin editing in the near future) Aguilera reffered to Lady Gaga as a "newcomer" and "fun to look at."

Since we're talking about things that are "fun to look at", let's talk about things that aren't so fun to look at.

Not Myself Tonight
Australia (ARIA)[39] 22
Belgium (Ultratop Flanders)[40] 24
Belgium (Ultratip Wallonia)[41] 10
Canada (Canadian Hot 100)[42] 11
Czech Republic (IFPI)[43] 38
Japan (Japan Hot 100)[44] 14
Netherlands (Dutch Top 40)[45] 18
New Zealand (RIANZ)[46] 32
Russian Airplay Chart[47] 168
Slovakia (IFPI)[48] 12
South Korean Digital Chart[49] 73
Spain (PROMUSICAE)[50] 32
Sweden (Sverigetopplistan)[51] 34
Turkey (Türkiye Top 20)[52] 15
United Kingdom (Official Charts Company)[53] 12
US Billboard Hot 100[54] 23
US Hot Dance Club Play[55] 13
US Pop Songs[56] 14

Well ain't that a bitch.

Australian Singles Chart[25] 3
Austrian Singles Chart[80] 3
Belgian Singles Chart (Flanders)[80] 1
Belgian Singles Chart (Wallonia)[80] 1
Brazilian Hot 100 Airplay[81] 85
Canadian Hot 100[29] 3
Czech Airplay Chart[82] 11
Danish Singles Chart[80] 1
Dutch Top 40[83] 6
European Hot 100 Singles[84] 1
Finnish Singles Chart[80] 7
French Singles Chart[85] 3
German Singles Chart[86] 3
Hungarian Singles Chart[30] 3
Irish Singles Chart[33] 1
Italian Singles Chart[80] 2
Japan Hot 100[87] 21
New Zealand Singles Chart[28] 3
Norwegian Singles Chart[80] 1
Polish Airplay Chart[88] 2
Slovak Airplay Chart[89] 6
Spanish Singles Chart[80] 8
Russian Singles Chart[90] 16
Swedish Singles Chart[80] 2
Swiss Singles Chart[80] 4
UK Singles Chart[31] 1
US Billboard Hot 100[22] 3
US Adult Contemporary[91] 28
US Hot Dance Club Songs[23] 1
US Mainstream Top 40[24] 1

In the words of one my personal heroes Proffesor Makael Of The University of Skorpion

"WHO MAD?!".

Is it any suprise that a tired, wailing expired piece of 90s nostalgia who's only released four albums in 10 years is mad that someone else has come along and achieved more respect and commercial success and done it all in two years. I hate to sound like a ball scratching, beer guzzling chauvenist or anything but the best place for SOME women to be is bare footed and in the kitchen and NOT in the studio recording music that nobody cares about.

That is all.

Although I am aware that there is less life in Christina's fan base than there is in the vagina of a 82 year old nun, I still feel it is important that I do commend Christina's publicists for their swift response to the controversy surrounding the comments made by Christina, let's see how quick they get to work when Christina's album charts so low that even Gary Coleman looks down on them.

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